Octopub

Octopub

I’m a 32 year old IT-man who works in a basement. Yes, I do the whole Lonely Hearts thing!So, remember the new number! 0118 999! 88199, 9119 725! … 3!0115… no… 0118… no… 0118 999 … 3. Hello? Is this the emergency services? Then which country am I speaking to? Hello? Hello?Huh, what you think I’m afraid of you? I’m not afraid of you.Oh really? Then why don’t you come down and make me then.Huh, what you think I’m afraid of you? I’m not afraid of you.

Unbelievable! Some idiot disabled his firewall, meaning all the computers on Seven are teeming with viruses, plus I’ve just had to walk all the way down the motherfudging stairs, because the lifts are broken AGAIN!If anyone was ever rude to me, I used to carry their food around in my trousers. Oh my God! Before you brought it to their table? No, after! Of course, before! Why would I do it after?Well that’s easy to remember. 0118 999 88199 9119 725! … 3!Hello, IT. Have you tried turning it off and on again?Dear Sir stroke Madam. Fire, exclamation mark. Fire, exclamation mark. Help me, exclamation mark. 123 Carrendon Road. Looking forward to hearing from you. All the best, Maurice Moss.Oh really? Then why don’t you come down and make me then.

I am a man, he’s a man, we’re men! Ok, tell me how your feeling. I feel delicate… and annoyed, and… I think I’m ugly.Huh, what you think I’m afraid of you? I’m not afraid of you.When I started Reynholm Industries, I had just two things in my possession: a dream and 6 million pounds.He’s had quite an evening. Someone stole his wheelchair. Did you see who it was? Red bearded man.Uh… okay, well, the button on the side, is it glowing?How long have you been disabled? Ten years? Ten years, and how did it happen? If that’s not a rude question. Acid?

We don’t need no education. Yes you do. You’ve just used a double negative.Well that’s easy to remember. 0118 999 88199 9119 725! … 3!Uh… okay, well, the button on the side, is it glowing?Yes! Yesterday’s jam. That is what we are to them!… Actually, that doesn’t work, as a thing, because, you know, jam lasts for ages.0115… no… 0118… no… 0118 999 … 3. Hello? Is this the emergency services? Then which country am I speaking to? Hello? Hello?No, no, that’s the music you heard when it come on.

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